Josh has been talking about it almost since we met.  Selling everything, buying a boat and living life.  Actually, really LIVING LIFE.  Not just the 9 to 5 grind to earn some “fun money” left over after paying the bills every two weeks.  Not trying to rank and prioritize events in our life so that we have enough vacation days to make it to the important ones.  Not coming home from work Monday through Friday, thoroughly used up and mentally exhausted from a day of problem-solving and crisis management.  I’ve been cautiously allowing him to research and explain.  Agreeing that a life less reliant on slaving away, Monday through Friday, 40 hours a week for the next 25 years of our lives sounds fantastic.  We both have great jobs.  Jobs that would sustain us, very comfortably, for the next 25 years until it’s time to officially “retire” and get on to really enjoying life.  But, when I really allow myself to tease out the idea of selling everything, buying a boat and taking the reigns of my life, I find myself feeling absolutely TERRIFIED.  When I try to understand why I’m so scared of taking charge of my life and making a decision to not just exist, but to LIVE, the only thing that I keep coming back to is money.  It’s not spending every waking moment in a confined space with my husband.  (I find that idea absolutely dreamy.)  It’s not traveling, seeing new things, having a new place to call home.  (I’ve moved A LOT and have always survived, so no biggie there.)  It’s money.  It’s the worry, fear and concern over how we will afford to live.  Things to ponder…how much money do we really NEED to live?  (I venture to guess it’s a whole lot less than what we’re spending to exist right now.)  How much of what we pay for right now would be a non-existent expense if we were living aboard?  (Monthly utilities would be drastically decreased, but, would something else take the place of those financial obligations?)

P.S.  I’m starting this blog without Josh knowing.  Kind of as a way to organize my thoughts and keep track of things as it appears as though we may really be considering making this happen.  I asked him the other night to keep “all of this crazy living on a boat in five years thing” our little secret for the time being.  But, I’m not really sure why I asked him to keep it a secret.  Maybe I’m scared it won’t actually happen and I’ll feel some sense of failure?  Or maybe because it will happen and everyone will think we’re crazy.  Either way, until I get a better handle on it, it’s our little secret.  🙂